So I’ve been thinking a lot about threesomes lately. Some of my closest friends swear by them. Another friend was so insulted when one of her besties asked her to join a threesome with her and her boyfriend that she didn’t speak to the girl again until the day she went to the girl’s funeral when the girl died. Sometimes I wonder if the girl died of threesome banishment. Then I remember her parents said it was Lupus. Anyhow, I find the idea of a threesome really intriguing. Especially between people who know each other and do it as a one-off thing and then continue with their platonic friendship. I wonder if the ghost of I’ve-licked-your-pussy-beforeness is always lingering in the air between them? Or if a threesome isn’t like Pringles at all; once you’ve popped you CAN stop. Like, let’s say it is one girl plus her boyfriend fucking her friend. Even if no pussy juice lingers in the air between the girls is it ever vaguely erotic between the guy and his girlfriend’s friend when the three of them are hanging out watching A Bug’s Life on DVD? And if he still wants to fuck the friend again, even if it was supposed to be a one-time thing, does the girlfriend mind?
If I had a threesome my ideal would be to have it with a stranger. For me and my guy to go out one night, for me to spend the night grinding up against some hot guy and for me to eye him at the end of the night and turn around to find my guy with a smirk on his face. He’ll kiss me on my neck and lick the shell of my ear slowly and ask me if my pussy is wet. He’ll tell me how he’ll put my legs over his shoulders when we get home and lick me clean. Then he’ll look at the guy chilling in the corner, still looking shell-shocked from the wine that I wound him, and be like “You want him, huh?” “Yes you do.” “Yes you do.” “Well let’s see if you can have him.” Then he’ll walk over to the guy and say “My chick is feeling you. Do you want to come home with us?” and the guy will raise his eyebrows, look at me, pinch himself to see if he is dreaming, cock his head to the side, give it some thought and then lick his lips and say “Yeah, I think I do.” My boyfriend will look at me and give me one of those little nods you see in Mafia movies just before someone gets killed, and I’ll slink over and pull the guy’s face down and moff the hell out of him. Then we’ll take him home and I’ll fuck both of them all night. In this ideal situation my boyfriend will be the least homophobic guy in the world and won’t shy away from contact with the guy and he will make out with him while I watch before they take turns fucking me.
There will of course be all possible variations of this activity: one will be touching me while the other is fucking me, one will be sucking on my nipples while his brother-in-Christ is sucking on my clit, one will be upside-down, licking the top of my pussy while the other slides his dick inside me, I’ll be riding one, reverse-cowgirl, while I have the other guy’s dick in my mouth… like I said we’ll have all possible algebraic equations, you’ll need to solve for x, where x is how many times I come. We’ll fuck until we pass out and then they’ll both spoon me, my boyfriend from the back and the other guy from the front. And then in the morning we’ll put him in our car and drop him off at his house. He’ll kiss me and tell me it was an unforgettable night and if I ever break up with my boyfriend to give him a call. He’ll try to give me his number and I’ll decline it and he’ll say “Save it for a rainy day” hoping that one day I’ll call him and say “Hey, remember me? It’s raaaaaaaiiiiining.” And that will be that. My boyfriend and I will reminisce about this night very often and he’ll talk dirty about it while he’s fucking me. And we will never do it again. Fini!
You see the thing that bothers me most about all the threesomes I know is that they are all two girls and one guy. The guy gets to fulfill all his lesbian fantasies by watching the two girls fuck and suck each other, then the guy gets to fuck both of the girls and be the center of attention. The one cool thing is that the girls get to fuck each other, and for most of the people I know this works out quite well because whoever asks her friend to join her threesome is probably already attracted to that friend. But I think it’s ridiculous how most guys I know gag at the idea of having a threesome with another guy. It’s so fucking homophobic. It’s like they are afraid they will somehow touch the other dude and it will unlock some fountain of gaylization that was unknowingly brewing inside them. Or that the other guy will be attracted to them and somehow use the threesome as an excuse to take sexual advantage of them in some way. Or the other guy will somehow outperform them and make them obsolete. Or the worst, that watching their girlfriend get fucked by some other guy will arouse them and then they will have to spend the rest of their days in an existential crisis wondering if what made their dicks hard was their girl or something about the guy.
My biggest pet peeve about girl-girl-guy threesomes is that it’s somehow always framed with the guy as the nexus. And not just in the actual sex but in the orchestration of the threesome too. It’s articulated as a present for the guy, some special pass he gets to fuck someone else. The underlying position somehow being that it is a man’s basic instinct to want to fuck someone other than their significant other but they are not allowed to do that because of propriety and possessiveness, and so having a threesome is a way to fulfill a man’s fundamental evo psych needs while still exerting control over the situation as the significant other because you get to be there to supervise. Do you see how kinda fucked up that is? A woman feeling like “This is the best way to prevent my guy from cheating? This is the only way I can exert any control over his temptation to dog me out? This is me giving him an outlet so he doesn’t steal it for himself?” Whenever a chick tells me she’s going to have a threesome with her guy as his birthday present I have trouble believing she’s not working from this premise. I might be being judgey but I find it sad.
What I’ve noticed about a lot of threesomes is that one half of the couple usually wants it more than the other. So basically one person is feening for it and the other person wants to make their partner happy and does it for them. Then the more reluctant party develops all this baggage about how the threesome went after they have done it. They start worrying about their partner continuing to want the other person, they start grading their performance in the threesome, they start wondering if the threesome could be seen as a metaphor for the Holy Trinity and if they were the Father, the Son or the Holy Ghost. It just causes more trouble than it solves.
Now I’m not saying that this is everyone’s premise for a threesome. Like I said, sometimes it’s a wonderful thing for wonderful reasons and everyone gets exactly what they want out of it. Sometimes the couple keeps the third person on retainer and the person becomes part of the regular mix of their exciting and fulfilling sex life. What I find most interesting about threesomes is that there are so many variables that can’t be controlled: what it will unleash, what power dynamics it will expose, what fissures it will make or what bonds it will strengthen, what will be done with the third party after the show is over? For someone who likes to have a blueprint for things the uncertainty of it makes me kind of nervous. It seems like something that can only be done successfully with lots of rules and communication, and much like with polyamorous relationships sometimes to me it seems like too much project management for too little reward. But then I think about it again, and see that guy I’ve been grinding on all night giving me goosebumps from the front while my guy gives me shivers from behind, and my rational assessments go out of the window. I want to be one of the pieces in that game of Tetris, fitting one angle into somebody’s corner while I fit another angle into somebody’s space till we form some perfect sexy square.
22 comments On ‘Threesome Tetris’ by Voluptuous Voltarian
you have a good imagination, if I want to participate I will like mother daughter combination. I know this may not be possible here in Africa.
This is so intriguing to me because I’ve heard it from other guys as well. So in the fantasy are the mother and the daughter having sex with each other as well? Or are they just like making out and touching boobs and stuff? Or is the scenario just that are they both focused on you?
I can’t imagine a threesome since greed is my #1 problem. I WANT IT ALL!!! Btw…I don’t think a daughter and mother threesome should be possible anywhere. The only thing a daughter and mother should share, is their DNA. Anything else is perversion.
I’m with you! I’ll definitely judge (and not favorably) any sex between relatives
Great writing. Very hilarious.
I have had one threesome but good friends with a girl who has had a number of them. A few times as the girlfriend but more often than not as the third person.
We both agree that in any threesome (at least) one person is always lonely. Either before (common with birthday present threesome), during (one of the partners usually) or and this is the worst kind of loneliness, the third person. To feel liberated after a threesome and then suddenly faced with one’s loneliness as you see the couple return to their loving and secure relationship is no mean feat.
I had a threesome with an ex I had not had penetrative sex with. His girlfriend after me thought I would make the ideal partner but he wasn’t very sensitive to her. I had to stop when he asked her to leave the room and sleep with us one at a time.
Threesomes are good on paper. Save yourself a headache and watch bromance porn (it exists and it is so worth it)
You guys, lol, let the person answer first before you jump to conclusions about the configuration of the threesome. Maybe the women don’t touch each other and they are both just focused on him/her. Or is it still a perversion if they are fucking the same person at the same time even if they don’t touch each other?
Incest fantasies are so common they don’t gross me out very much anymore. I figure as long as everyone is a consenting adult… The only thing is that in parent-child incestuous relationships I think there is always an undeniable power dynamic that keeps it from being truly egalitarian. But if the people feel like in their case it works out life is too short for me to judge them.
But yeah, Kwunume, enlighten us about this threesome. Are the women fucking or touching each other?
Oh VV, I do love you, but in this matter, I would rather stab myself in the eyes and ears with a hot, 4-inch nail than think a mother-daughter sex ANYTHING is healthy.
I’m dehydrated from vomitting. No, ma’am.
Wait a second, J! So the guy wanted his girlfriend to leave the room so he could fuck you by himself? Ei, dis one dieeeee. And she suggested that you would be the good third party, even though she knew you guys had dated before?
Even in this modern world of living, I don’t believe that incest fantasies are healthy at all. This is just pure perversion and many times there is an underline issue of abuse. There are fine lines that one must not cross and this is definitely one of them. The behavior is just unacceptable and inconceivable for any society of consenting adults. This behavior should be judged.
you people have left the main topic and concentrated on my reply. anyway mother and daughter can make out but not have full blown sex. in this era of poverty if the money is huge a single mum and her daughter can agree to a threesom with the right motivation. you know what I mean.
We are still in a threesome conversation. I don’t know what you mean by poverty being the motivation? You are definitely in a whole nother level!!!
Sorry we’ve derailed the thread, Kwunume. What you said was just so fascinating it sparked everyone’s interest. Thanks for clarifying the action you’re talking about. I don’t think fantasies can be policed. Actions can but not thoughts. As far as finding a mother-daughter combo to turn the fantasy into reality I think as long as they are consenting adults who understand the ramifications of what they’re doing it’s nobody’s business but yours and theirs. I would hope they’d be doing it out of interest and not economic deprivation though. I think the kind of threesome you describe is possible because I know a lot of people who have incest fantasies about members of their families. There might be a mother and daughter out there who fantasize about touching each other intimately and will find a threesome with you gives them the impetus to turn their fantasy into reality. It’s a minefield though so be careful 🙂
@Voluptuous Voltarian you sabi write oh. I loved reading this, it had me giggling especially at “brother-in-christ” (I’m saving that term for future use).
Re the man usually being the focal point of a threesome, I agree to some degree with your points. Hookup sites are full of women looking for a 2nd to ‘please my man’; however, they are equally flooded with men looking for a woman ‘for my girlfriend’s birthday’. The focus can and often is entirely on the madam of the relationship or on the 2nd female. It isn’t always about the man.
You seem to assume that the 3rd party will be a female; many threesomes are more testosterone-laden. I have a friend who is determined to bring another man into her bedroom and watch him make out with her husband. Another acquaintance has enjoyed two dicks in one sitting; she called the shots.
My experience with threesomes is biased because there were all-female. If anyone cares to read, this has prompted me to put my two cents on what little I’ve learned about threesomes in writing for this blog. A sort of mini guide to threesomes from my personal perspective. Nana I hope you won’t mind.
Mind? I cannot wait! Looking forward to your blog post xo
K-zilla, I’m still waiting for that mini guide lols
Chale, me too oh. K-zilla, oya now, come educate us.
Why do you think it is homophobic for a man to not want to be in a threesome involving another man?
I can dig the idea that women should not feel that they are restricted to just one type of threesome, if they are turned on by MMF. Whatever turns someone on is their business and they shouldn’t feel restricted by someone else’s judgement or mores, unless they are in a relationship where they have agreed to be monogamous.
But your idea of homophobia and threesomes seems somewhat reductive. If you extend that argument, you could say it is transphobic for a person to not want to be in a threesome with a transgender person. Or a person who doesn’t want to be in a threesome with a disabled person is therefore prejudiced against disabled people.
I once slept with a woman who offered me a threesome with her friend, which I turned down, because I didn’t fancy her friend. For my part, I can’t see why anyone would want to have a sexual encounter involving a person who doesn’t turn them on. But I know people get off on all sorts of things. To each their own.
Women have threesomes FMF all the time even when they are not attracted to the other woman. Either they engage with the other woman to fulfill the man’s fantasies or they just concentrate on the man while the other woman pays attention to some other part of his body. Women make all kinds of concessions for threesomes.
Very few men that I know of though would have a threesome with another man even if they didn’t have to touch him in any way. It would basically just be both of them focusing on the woman. But for most men I know just the thought of being in such close proximity with another naked guy is such anathema that the idea is unthinkable. As for touching the other guy to fulfill a fantasy for their girlfriend …tufiakwa.
I think that transgenderism and ableism are very real things and people who don’t want to have any sexual experiences with other people who don’t fit the norm do need to examine their biases and make honest assessments of why they feel the way they feel. I’m not saying that there’s no such thing as a preference, and that people should force themselves to be attracted to other people just for the sake of political correctness but I am saying that our social mores and desires don’t happen in a vacuum and they are worth examining so we can all be aware of our biases and work on them.
Not every guy who doesn’t want to have a MFM threesome is homophobic but so far every reason I’ve heard from a guy about why they won’t do it is wrapped in some pretty masculinist macho stuff.
So, I haven’t been around these parts in a minute. It’s interesting to find that I’m not the only one who thinks MFF 3 somes are bullshit and seem to mostly cater to men’s need to have more attention and pussy. I’ve always said the only way I’d have a 3some was if it was all women, or me and two guys. And it seemed like it would remain in the realm of fantasy, but I recently met a pair of gentlemen who have had several MMF threesomes and would love to play with me. I’ve only hesitated because I’ve been with one of them and he is an absolute beast (in the best way imaginable), so I didn’t think I would survive him plus someone else. But I’m really thirsty of late so maybe I’ll make it out alive. Interesting times lie ahead.
This thread keeps staying alive
Sorry for the delay oh. Nana I’ve emailed the draft. Over to you.
I found your discussion of 3somes to be very thorough. I have only done FMF 3somes, and those were in my younger days, but I agree with you on making the third person a complete stranger. Unfortunately in each of my 3somes, both ladies were straight. I believe they would have enjoyed things more if they had been Bi. Although there is nothing finer that a “daisy chain”, or as I call it: a 99.