I was hungry that afternoon and the house was devoid of food. Save for the half bag of rice and the tins of oats, nothing was in the kitchen. Even if I were to decide to cook some rice, I might not be alive to see it through. We had recently moved to this new part of town, a relatively higher class vicinity than the one we moved from. Had we been at the former place, I wouldn’t be so bothered. Food vendors selling cheap coconut rice, or ewa agoyin and Agege bread, or even fried yams and akara abound. But not in this zone. The only place one could get food here are these bucca’s where one would have to pay one’s ass off for such small food. “Alarm go die person for this kind place o,” I had murmured to myself.
The alarm soon made me trace my way downstairs. I made it to the front of my compound before the figure of a girl standing at the front caught the corner of my eyes. I glanced her way and flung a “hello dear” at her. Not minding whether she replied, I reached for the gate, stepped out and looked out both sides of the street, not exactly sure what I was looking out for. Realising this effort was in futility, I came back inside and beckoned to the girl,
“Nne, please how do you people get food here? I’m very hungry.”
She flashed her set of white teeth in a smile before telling me she doesn’t know herself but if I don’t mind, she could prepare me some Indomie noodles.
“With all pleasure,” I told her.
I got some packs of noodles from the kiosk in the opposite house and she followed me into my flat. While she prepared the noodles, I asked her about herself. She was Cynthia (I always asked girls who gave me foreign names for their native names. Hers was Adaugo). She was eighteen and just finished secondary school and waiting for JAMB to hand her admission into a university. She saw the tin of oats and begged to have some.
“My parents don’t like oats. They prefer custard. Only me like oats in my house.” She confessed.
“Me too,” I lied trying to find some common ground. Any common ground.
I acted the gentleman, making her oats while she made me noodles, all the while staring at her plump nyash and wondering how she managed to be so endowed at eighteen.
“How come I haven’t seen you around?” I asked her.
“I’m mostly indoors,” she replied. “I don’t even know what brought me out today.”
“Na God bring you out o,” I crooned. “I no know how I for do this alarm wey tear me today if no be for you,” I replied.
We ate our meals and discussed some more. She had little or no friends around. I had marvelled at her backside and she had laughed and said it was her ex-boyfriend who pressed the nyash too much.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” She asked.
“No,” I promptly replied. Another false common ground. “Why did you break up?” I asked her back.
“He liked sex too much,” she said.
“Oh!” I exclaimed.
“Yes,” she replied.
I asked her to hang out with me and my friends on Sunday and she said she’ll try. I took her number and promised to call her.
At the appointed time on Sunday, I had dialled her number to remind her but she didn’t pick so I sent her a text message. Her reply read, “Daddy at home, can’t leave.” I sent her another which read, “tell him you’re going for church programme,” and few minutes later, she came out tying a scarf around her head.
We drank some beer, she took Smirnoff Ice and we had a lot of lewd chat. She taunted most of my friends who talked about sex saying, “if you see the fuck now, you go fit fuck?” This had enraged most of them, who had asked her to try them and see. She simply leered at them, hurting their pride the more. I liked girls like this. All out babes.
At about nine, she started giving me signs and sending me messages about her dad getting suspicious if she wasn’t home on time. I obliged her and took her home. “E pass fuck?” she had asked me on our way when I told her she was rude to the guys. I made up my mind there and then to screw this girl and screw her like the tease she was. With such effrontery she must be a champion fucker.
The next day, she came visiting. She was bored out of her skin. She cooked some food, we ate and lay down to watch a movie. That was when I reached out and grabbed both her boobs. She jerked herself away at first but I persisted and she relaxed as I reached beneath her top and undid her bra. I squeezed her luscious boobs and she moaned. I raised her blouse and sucked on a nipple which started to engorge in my mouth. I hitched her skirt up and grabbed fistfuls of her enormous ass and lifted her by them, landing her astride my groin. I sucked one nipple, squeezed the other with one hand shoved her panties with the other hand, and reached for her hot pussy. She squirmed each time my finger tried to go past her pussy hole and I noticed how tight it was. Pushing her down to her back, I yanked off her panties even as she tried to make me stop and flung them in a corner. I quickly stripped off my shorts and she covered her mouth and gasped at the sight of my dick. That was when I began suspecting she might not be how I thought. But I can’t be wasting my time over that, not now at least. So I lifted both her feet to my shoulders and massaged her clitty a bit while reaching for a condom. She tried to wrest my hand from her pussy and I allowed her win only long enough to wear my condom.
“Munachi please, take it easy, please,” She crooned and grabbed my condom clad dick as I prepared to slam into her.
“That’s what most girls say to fool us into believing they are still good girls,” I thought as I removed her hands from my cock and pinned them above her head. Positioning my cock against her slit I pushed in and she screamed but my prick didn’t enter beyond the tip. I tried again, harder this time and she screamed again as sweat broke across her body.
“You…, you be virgin?” I stuttered and she nodded yes.
Wonderful! I thought as I got off her and removed the condom. I would give her the honour of deflowering her with my raw dick not a condom clad one. I got some Vaseline and rubbed just enough to break through on my member. I intend to enjoy this tight virgin pussy to the fullest and not even Vaseline would deprive me of that. I came to her and peeled of her skirt totally. Pushing her legs back so that her knee touched her boobs and her vulva pouted at me, I rubbed my Vaseline-d dick around her vagina, transferring some there while systematically pushing in, little by little. She shrieked and pleaded with me to take it easy on her. “Munachi please, you know I love you. Please pity me now, eh? Don’t hurt me please. I thought you like me like your sister. Remember how I used to cook for you, please have mercy now. Munaaaa! Ewuu, Muna please now. Who asked me to come today o?”
I pushed in again and my whole cap broke through, something loosened and some red liquid coated my dick. This enthused me some more and I forced in almost half my dick. This time she grabbed my head in an embrace, “Munachi look at me now, it’s me o. It is your Adaugo. It is me you are doing this thing o! Please now, easy now.” I smiled a wicked smile and started rocking my hips slowly back and forth each time going a little deeper. Damn, virgin pussy feel so damn good and so fucking tight, I could feel my cum building up. I grinded deeper and deeper until she pushed my stomach with her hands thus limiting my movement. The pleasure was heightening and I won’t let her deprive me of maximum satisfaction thus I pushed her hands away, pushed her feet even further back than before and her bum was off the bed and plunged all my dick inside her. She grabbed the bed sheet to her mouth and bit at it as I proceeded to slam into her, pushing her ass back into the bed with each thrust. Her pussy was so tight and so sweet, I lost control and after two minutes of maddening swift thrusts was raining my cum deep inside her womb. I kept pounding minutes after I had drained myself in her and only collapsed on her when the pounding didn’t feel good anymore.
She whimpered and shivered and lay on her side backing me when I got off her. Her ass jingled like jigida with each movement. I didn’t know if it’s the nyash that magneted me or just the simple gentlemanliness of consoling a girl whose cherry I just popped, but I found myself pulling her by the waist and holding her in an embrace.
“Munachi, can I ask you a question?”
“Do you love me?”
I looked at the ceiling. Do I love her?
“I do know I have a very strong feeling for you,” I lied yet again. I have a very strong feeling only for her sumptuous ass. “I don’t know if that’s love, but I do know what I feel is very strong,” I replied. I knew girls always believed lies so I knew she’d buy this.
She turned to face me, “are you sure?”
As if it was proof of anything, I pulled her blouse over her head thus stripping her totally naked, hugged and kissed her for minutes before delving for her boobs, smooching and sucking as if the last drop of milk on earth was inside them. By now my phallus was at full mast, so I flipped her face-down, placed double pillows under her stomach so that her bountiful nyash and pussy raised up to me, coated my dick with some more Vaseline and fucked her some more, riding her as she lay there biting into a third pillow to keep from screaming as I liberated her pussy.
45 comments On Guest Contributor Anaximander: Her First Time
I had doubts about this post even though I think its well written but after a back and forth with my co-blogger Malaka decided to share. Quite keen to see what kind of comments we’ll get on this one…
Rapist! Come to think of it I think a lot of young girls in Africa don’t lose their virginity through conscientious sex , most r raped. She liked the guy but she wasn’t ready for sex. Typical African man doesn’t understand the word ‘no’…mtcheeeeew
A bit overly invasive for me.
I think this story makes me see your point on why the stories here should promote women . We come here to seek refuge and share our stories – not to perpetuate the stereotype/ male-oriented and dominated ideas of sex. I think this is not a cousin’s view of how she’d like to be treated – it’s a certain man’s view. Yes, it may have happened to some of us this way but it is not something to REVEL in – as the protagonist does. My husband’s reading it right now. He’ll put his own two cents up when he’s done.
One last thing, dude, YOUR TENSES!
I’m done. Blessings.
OK, I was typing via a phone before. I’m on a laptop now because I had to force myself to finish the story. When I say ‘This is not a cousin’s view of ‘ I meant ‘A woman’s view’. My phone auto-corrected.
To clarify my position, I am not denying that these things happen in societies. What I am taking umbrage at is the fact that in this story it is GLORIFIED. It’s a kind of slobbering, lascivious glorification one in which the woman is reduced YET AGAIN to an OBJECT/CHILD who has no say over what she feels and says:
“She tried to wrest my hand from her pussy and I ALLOWED HER WIN only long enough to wear my condom.” (No say over what she wants)
“The pleasure was heightening and I WON’T LET HER deprive ME of maximum satisfaction thus I pushed her hands away, pushed her feet even further back than before and her bum was off the bed..” (Object)
“She whimpered and shivered and lay on her side backing me when I got off her. Her ass jingled like jigida with each movement. I didn’t know if it’s the nyash that magneted me or just the simple gentlemanliness of consoling a girl whose cherry I just popped, but I found myself pulling her by the waist and holding her in an embrace.”
(Propagating the notion of VIOLENCE as love).
“I knew girls always believed lies so I knew she’d buy this.” (Women as brainless idiots)
The language of the story is riddled with that kind of harsh language which seems to govern how certain men think about women’s bodies (not minds because OBVIOUSLY we don’t have any!) and as someone who is raising a man, I cannot condone this. I just cannot. I would understand if this scene was supposed to TEACH something, brought something else into the story but it IS the whole story.
Ah-ahn! Seriously. I am just coming off ranting about the awful fuckwittage that is bloody 50 Shades, now this. In this 21st century kwa.
The next comment you’ll see is my husband’s, so that it’s not as if I am just ‘being a woman’. Mschew.
Started well in my opinion but when you got to the…rape… I think you got a little excited recounting the events (all two minutes of it)
This is Nnenna’s husband here. Reading it make me feel like I was watching a snuff film. There’s nothing “sexy” about a woman being violated in this way – made even starker by the fact that the woman in the story has no say whatsoever. The fantasy couldn’t be any fuller of African male chauvinist stereotypes and clichéd tropes: when she says no, she really means yes; taking a girl’s virginity is the height of sexual conquest; equating virility with not using a condom.
I felt like I was participating in a crime while reading it. I might as well have been reading about the Delhi Rape Case: the male perspective.
*standing and applauding*
Bravo one and all! These were my thoughts EXACTLY. I hate this man, whoever he is, and he is roving every city and village in Africa as we speak. This entry sickened and enraged me. How condescending! That she should be grateful to have been raped, and unprotected at that! The poor girl was probably frightened out of her wits, and when she asked if he “loved her”, he raped her again in reward!
I only wanted us to share this post as a cautionary tale for young, unwitting women. A similar thing happened to me when I was younger. A friend took me to see her older brother in his room, and when he cornered and tried to undress me he snarled:
“Ah. I thought you were a woman! What games are you playing?”
“Dude,” I said simply. “I’m TWELVE”.
That’s when he finally let me go free, unspoiled, fortunately.
This is no different than that attack on the girl at Legon University. Same chauvinistic self indulgent prickery. Mtcheww!!!
Isn’t this depictive of sexual relations for a lot of people in Africa? Indeed this is depictive of the type of sex I had till I met my boyfriend (we’re back together). My society taught me that as a woman, sex is a painful, degrading, disgusting favor I have to provide for my partner/ husband in order to get what I need (money, kids & security). It taught me not to be assertive about what I want sexually. Conversely, it taught my partner that as a man, he should demand sex at all cost & that good sex was when he ripped a woman’s pussy apart. I know I should feel outraged by the story but I can’t.
As a view into the way sexual initiation seems to happen for women around here (Ghana, Africa)… I say, spot on. I agree with Ekuba almost entirely. I think we have to deal with this. The incredulity in the responses shows the gulf between what is out there and what we the Adventures readers expect. In my day, it was the case that sending a daughter to a mixed boarding school was almost a prelude for her to go through something this degrading.
As a piece of crazed writing, I thought that this also got us closer to the truth of the consciousness of the male – without judgement and self-censorship.
Where do we go from here? Sensitization, dialogue and long-term engagement. I do think that things are better than they were in the 70’s… I think the level of outrage we are seeing here may not even have been evinced.
Brave of Malaka and Nana D to publish this..
It was a struggle to complete the story. The author started with the end in mind. Clearly potraying the girl as a tease, ergo, she deserved to be raped.
Unfortunately, it is a window into the mind and psych of a ‘certain’ kind of man. Particularly, a certain kind of African man.
These are the kind of stories that force us to think and confront our realities. Kudos to Nana D for posting this. Can’t have been easy at all.
Perhaps it is a function of my African-American heritage or my progressive West African unbringing, but it is at this juncture that I have to invoke the spirit of my grandfather who would lean back in his chair, assess a situation and drawl out a long, country “shiiiit”.
I am enraged for the very reasons Ekuba and Kofi stated: because I WAS raised to value myself far above the worth of a few oats (or whatever the going rate of male dominance may be at the time). Though they never said it explicitly, these are the types of men and boys my parents were warning me against. The guy in this post is why I knew I would NEVER find myself in the grips of marriage of a certain type of African man, which unfortunately for us is the standard.
Listen: If you’re a young woman reading this, and you find yourself stuck in bed/a car/an uncompleted building don’t be afraid to tell that motherfucker to get his grubby hands off you and kick him square in the balls. No man has a right to “tear your pussy up” because society and his boys say he does.
I wonder if this douche bag would be as passionate and excited about paying child support for the rest if his life. I’m so incensed I don’t know what to do next!
Rape! most women in Ghana go through this. It is quite sad that the protagonist reveled in misleading and ‘showing’ her, as the area boys put it, because she’s expressive and feels comfortable around men. She begged, she pleaded, i felt her reluctance. This must stop. The man’s penis is not a gift or an everlasting need. We will not be grateful after penetration; when we’re not ready, we’re just NOT. And giving a young woman unprotected sex when she has little knowledge about it is not a FAVOUR!
Ekuba: I know what you mean. Sometimes, certain circumstances in life can cause our ‘outrage’ buttons to break. Allow me to feel outrage on your behalf. 🙂
Kofi (and Ekuba again) I understand what you are saying and normally I would leave it at that if it was a piece INTENDED to generate debate or if it was a piece in a wider framework that aims to illustrate said certain-African-male mindset. Like I have said.
Where my scalp begins to itch is in the SNEAKING suspicion that the author – and to some extent, the protagonist – may not be aware that this view is wrong, wrong, wrong; that this might rally BE how he sees women, albeit subconsciously.
But let me not put words into Ejike’s Anaximander’s mouth. I’ll wait till he comes back from work (I assume) to respond to us.
I’m not even sure I am expressing myself well as there is a ringing in my ears and I can’t think.
This is a poorly written glorification of an animal rapists experiences. The writer needs both therapy and writing classes. I am angry because it was a waste of my 10 minutes.
@Danlami – I actually think its a very well written story. Otherwise it wouldn’t have evoked the response that it did…sometimes we need to deal with issues which are not very pleasant, and stories can be an effective way of doing so….
Me and Nana exchanged a series of text messages before she posted this. We knew this post was going to elicit this kind of response and Nana feels this kinda issues deserves to consistently be in the spotlight instead of waiting for the next rape to happen before hammering on it.
I agree totally.
I grew up in Ajegunle. People who know of or have heard of that place know it’s a slum where every kind of vice imaginable happen. As a young boy, I was always in the streets. I heard stories from young adults who did rape girls in this way as they recount to their other friends what happened. How they struggled with the chic and all.Sometimes it’s the girl telling a group of her already sexually active friends who most times introduced her to the rapist the kind of story. As a young teenager I start to imagine these things, playing them through my mind, sometimes wishing I would disvirgin a girl (As a matter of fact I tried it with my girlfriend when I was sixteen, the way the girl fought and bit my hand, I fled and never mustered the courage to even date a virgin. I hope that answers you Nnenna). It was clear the guys and even myself then obviously had no idea what they did was rape.
Today I have lots of young female friends, friends friends and acquintances in AJ, many of whom lost their virginities that way and I regularly pay the area visits. When I talk to them about it, some would say “I was at his house, maybe I wanted him to do it.” Some of them go as far as saying “he is my boyfriend, I should be able to satisfy him sexually.” If I ask them if they feel they have been raped some of them would laugh and say it is not rape. A few feel it’s an insult that I was trying to label them rape victims. Many of them don’t feel like they’ve been taken advantage of. I even ask some of them “immediately after it happened did you feel taken advantage of?” Most of them, especially those who have maintained a relationship with the rapist say they felt so at first but that it wore off. One of them even told me it’s part of been a woman. But fact is all that doesn’t make it any less rape. The problem is with the kind of response I got, some of them even accuse me of prying into their sex life, I started wondering if all my efforts isn’t been wasted. Sometimes I had ended my visit in a fury.
Maybe I did write this story in that fury because sometimes I can’t help not thinking these stupid girls probably deserve what they got. But again maybe I shouldn’t go trying to make someone who doesn’t feel raped understand she has been raped. It’s confusing. I just channeled the confusing fury here. It’s rape, it’s an issue and I’m glad you guys are doctoring it. But even ask we debate, some girl somewhere is going through the gruesomeness. How do we get people who are potential victims to understand this is rape and most especially, how do we get potential rapists to understand what they have in mind to do to some girl is rape?
I considered myself a shade hypocritical for loathing the very chauvinistic perspective of the piece as I’m yet to provide a post of my own. However, I reckon that inasmuch as contribution from men should be encouraged, it presents a challenge.
I believe what the above post highlights is the fact that as Adventures reaches a wider audience the onus is on administrators to reiterate what Adventures stands for, I mean constantly drum it into our heads… A visitor might catch a glimpse of one story and go rally fellow visitors to a (Ghanaian) erotica site….
There’s no deny this happens on a daily basis and should be discussed but the above seems to glorify objectification of women and I know our very esteemed mods wont allow that.
E be like say the tension here is quite thick, so me suggests someone comes to our rescue with a post “on the lighter note”… Nnena, Malaka… Anyone???
Have a blessed weekend ahead… Cheers
@Danlami, I’m already on writing classes and making arrangements for therapy. Thanks for noticing I need both. And sorry for wasting your precious ten minutes.
But are you going to walk out on a discussion that tackles such a worrisome pandemic as rape? If you feel so neuseated about it then I guess your propositions could actually go a long way if we could make any kind of impact in combating the wantoness. Don’t walk away now. We won’t be a waste of more time, discussing rape isn’t.
@ Anaximander: I think that your response displayed your feelings honestly & also the feelings of the girls who have had such experiences. In Ghana/ Africa? the idea about sex is simple: good girls wait till they’re married & then allow their husbands to ‘enjoy them’, bad girls don’t wait, they’re disrespectful & tease men & they deserve to be ‘taught a lesson’. The people who don’t think this way are usually very Westernized or Progressive (like a lot of Adventures readers 🙂 ) That’s why when Ghanaian singer Mzbel was molested at home by Tech students & also raped at home, most people said she deserved it & even wanted it. This feeling permeates all levels because I worked at a domestic violence center in Ghana & the policemen I spoke to said it wasn’t possible for a man to rape a woman if she was his wife/ girlfriend. One of the women who came to the center because her husband hit her said that when they went to district court for a divorce & the magistrate found out she had had an affair (which is why her husband beat her),he made her kneel down & beg her husband. These are the realities.
sorry, I meant to say when Mzbel was molested ignore the at home. Thank you
I actually saw the link to this o my fb friend Crystal Svaniker’s wall together with mixed comments; some of sadness, others of outrage. I decided to hold on till Anaximandar had a chance to explain himself before i commented and i’m glad i did. This post is at the very least, gory and provoking. It depicts rape in one of its most hurtful and deceptive forms; seduction. Anaximander, i’d like to congratulate you on writing this piece (writing mistakes & all). Yes, congratulate. Bash me all you want fellow adventurers, but in my opinion, this is a piece i dont regret spending my siesta time on. When was the last time we had such a flurry of comments, addressing an issue we all seem to be provoked by, yet happens on an almost daily basis in our society? If nothing at all, this post has provoked and sparked up our anger against something which is reported weekly in newspapers, yet we skip and read the sports section, or is it the lifestyle section? Check all the newspapers that were circulated this week at the newsstands, barely any do not have a report on a rape case that happened just this year (note we are still in January). Like it or not, admit it or not, there are beasts like ‘muna’ living less than a km from you. Like it or not, there is that gullible young ‘adaugo’ living close to or with you, whose’friends’ have taught how to be ‘cool’ by talking dirty and doing stuff she innocently thinks is harmless but will be misconstrued by some babarian as ‘leading on’. Are you provoked enough? Let your rage speak to that niece, daughter,neighbour that she does NOT deserve to be forced/decieved/seduced into giving up her virginity if she does not want it. For those of you who feel your time was ‘wasted’ in reading this article, undo the waste by spending the same ten minutes talking to the young lady who needs to know that any moron would lie to them that they love them just to get into their panties so they need to wise up and be smart. Nobody deserves this….scream out your outrage to those who need to hear it the most, theyre in your home, your neighborhood,your church, your office, heck, your facebook and twitter!
I must admit it took me a while to read this post, and after I’d read it, it took me a while to digest it. Then after digesting it, I had to muster up to read the comments.
Its posts like this that reveal the importance of spaces like this. I identified with the woman in the story immediately because beyond the issue of rape, I feel it goes deeper then that: the sexual exploitation of women seeking love.
Let’s be honest, independent or not, we all seek affection, love and care and when we’re young, most of us don’t realise that just because sex is a natural (and healthy) manifestation of love, love is NOT a manifestation of sex.
I hope everyone that reads this takes away with it more than just rage, but a determination to touch every woman they meet and through their own dealings, treat that woman with respect.
The whole thing has just made me so sad. I can’t even get anything done.
This story is really ‘some way’,mixed feelings yea.Trust me I’m dead set against rape or defilement,my heart beats &boils when read the beast men have turned out to be but @ a point in time,I was like ‘dang this girl deserves what’s coming to her(please don’t shoot me oo).
I mean akwala like u teasing big boys &teasing them like that,what the heck did u expect?some men are wired to think that when girls say no,they mean yes!
And a girl who’s all teasing like that,totally wants it.I’m tempted to say ‘the chick too was a bad girl!'(I can’t believe I’m saying all this but that’s how it is percieved)lying to her dad &going over to the guy’s place over &over again,what was wrong with her?didn’t her Papa tell her 2 b wary of boys?and she failed to listen!
However,as the story got to the sex/rape part,I became disgusted!the way he was reveling in it,I couldn’t even bring myself to read the last paragraph.
And I bet the girl went back to the lying scum of a man for more sexual encounters!
Writer is good,made it sound as vivid as possible,making all of us erupt with one emotion or the other.
PS: did this happen for real?
Sorry guys, my car had been at the mechanics all day. And you know all this mechanics, they can do and undo, remove and un-remove.
Taking another look at the story, I understood how Nnenna could easily connect the writer and protagonist. I could have done better by writing in the 3rd person. And Maybe I could have done better if I was less vivid in my description. The protagonist(s) mostly don’t understand what they do is rape. Does the writer? I will let Nnenna and everyone else draw their personal conclusions. The victims most times don’t. I think the spotlight should be on the rapist and his victim. As Adjeley rightly pointed out, there are thousands of potential Adaugo’s and Muna’s out there. How could we stop these acts? How could we get people to understand these things aren’t normal? Had I produced this as a movie or something, one would hardly link the producer or the story writer or even the actor who plays the protagonist with the real protagonist. But because it’s in print and it’s in first person Point of View then the writer might as well be the protagonist.
If I say I don’t mind it would be a lie.I do mind because it is quite understandable how it could easily be so. And I really appreciate that Nnenna brought that up. She has taught me a whole lot since I came here. But I mind more about rape as a threat to society. Especially these kind of rape which many an average African man is guilty of and many an African woman has been or is a potential victim of.
Nobody has said anything about how this trend can be sabotaged. Most of the potential victims won’t read this. We who are so outraged and piqued should bring our concern to fruition by proffering solutions especially to protagonists and potential protagonists who know not that their actions and potential actions are criminal.
@Abena, this storry is fiction. But in reality it happens everyday.
Yes the girl might have taken it too far. She might have teased guys and it’s natural for you to feel she took it too far or that she wanted it. That’s what society would say. But that exactly is the problem. Do we give a child poison simply because she asked for it? The child doesn’t even know it’s poison it asked for. Because the girl “asks” for it doesn’t give any guy the right to rape her. That’s what we here think. But the question here is, is that what society thinks? If it is what society thinks why then do instances like this keep tainting our societies every now and again?
One question: what the hell does “i would give her the honor of deflowering her with my raw dick..” mean??
I hope this is fiction and that there is a moral to this story somewhere that i’m not seeing. Si non, je DISLIKE completement.
Ozohu, that bit of French has just earned you a starring role in my next fantasy, Nana, you need to up your game, girl!
Eh-hen, back to the koko at hand.
Abena: Speaking up for flirts everywhere (YES I AM ONE) we do not deserve to be raped simply for flirting. I am cheeky and I can talk you into a state of arousal with a turn of phrase. I don’t even have to try very hard. Seeing you aroused gets me aroused and who says sex has to be the end goal? That is me, freaking your mind as you are mine.It’s how some of us get off.
What I will say is that I tried not to flirt with people like this protagonist simply because I would NEVER have found them attractive anyway; in my view, they tend to betray themselves by the way they talk. One whiff of lurking-rapey-ness and I am off.
And I am very honest from the beginning; I have no desire to sleep with you but if you let me, I will literally blow your mind, just as long as you know THAT IS IT.
My men would rather burst from balls so blue than try rape. It’s the mind of a mature man. Rape again is NOT about sex and if you are confident in your sexuality, your masculinity as my men have been, RAPE WOULD NEVER BE AN ISSUE because you know you fine, you know I’m messing and IF I WANT TO, when it’s time, none of this rape nonsense would be happening because I would take you as hard as you take me. We’d be equals. Why take something by force which has not been offered? This is why sex should not be for small boys and girls. Like giving a child a damn grenade. Shit.
@Anaximander: It’s curious. You say I am merely confusing the issue because of your POV but you aren’t the first person to write this way. The series I am doing for this website right now is in that same POV . Yes, there are some things which I have written which have provoked quite visceral reactions but NOBODY confuses my voice with that of the protagonist – so far. There are ways to do this, ways in which you can show the PURPOSE of these kinds of scene, ways of doing them so that they stand for something. And this is my problem. It seems to me an abject glorification of rape, sex for sex’s sake, gratuitous sex. It’s a no-no in publishing for a reason. I am not sure many erotic publishers would do a rape scene like this these days but please prove me wrong – it has to serve some purpose.
No, I don’t buy that it was for ‘debate’. And yes, like I have been saying all along, I KNOW that things like this happen. I know it. So this is not me being ‘westernised’.
Another curious thing is the way you have just, in your own defence, likened a woman to a CHILD just as your protagonist seems to do:
“She might have teased guys and it’s natural for you to feel she took it too far or that she wanted it. That’s what society would say. But that exactly is the problem. Do we give a CHILD poison simply because she asked for it? The CHILD doesn’t even know it’s poison it asked for.”
But maybe this is nothing. Perhaps that’s just the psycho-analytic part of me reading into things.
Hopefully I shan’t leave another comment after this!
@Anaximander: Vivid is GOOD is storytelling. Don’t say I told you any differently.
Off topic, but spurred by the direction a few others have asked. if we bring our societal norms to our interactions,what does this say about the society depicted in this tale?
I think that lying and dissembling has be come too much a part of our national fabric (so is this kind of sex rape? Many possible ways apparently exist for looking at it this way). Ministers who were nailed for taking bribes are reappointed to high office. Ministers who use government stationery to write loan guarantees for their mistresses get off with a slap on the wrist.
Where are the unambiguous moral examples being set? Maybe it’s oxymoronic to talk about unambiguous in this context.
Back to topic, I believe that we all own this story….
@Nnenna – Eish, you want me to compete with the sexy Ozohu who wafts about in a cloud of smoke et peux parler Francais en peu? Mais non, lemme give up whilst I’m ahead. Hehehe.
Speaking now as the curator of the site, I’ve found the various comments on this post extremely helpful. In terms of moving forward I especially appreciate @Ebenezer”s comment about the need to remind new audiences/contributers about Adventures raison d’etre, why we were inspired to start the site, and why I’m committed to keeping the site vibrant. With this in mind I will put together a set of guidelines for contributors, discuss this via email with our regular contributors and post these guidelines on the site. As some of us may know, Adventures is a safe space for African women, a space where we can have frank and open conversations about sex and our diverse sexualities. A space where we can reclaim our sexuality, provide tips and techniques to our sisters, identify ways of enhancing our sexual pleasure in the bedroom and outside. I’ve always said that my priority is highlighting the voices of African women, and that the occasional male contributor would be allowed to share their stories so long as it fits in with the site’s goals. At the same time I have also said I would occassionally share a post I disagree with to stimulate discussion. This was one such post. The challenge with stimulating discussion around issues of sex and sexuality is that you open up deep wounds. Sexual assault is a reality for the majority of African women. We have dealt with this from childhood. From ‘Uncles’ gropping our breasts from the age of 9, to ‘houseboys’ persuading us to let us put their pee pee in us…So when you re open wounds you have a responsibility to aid the healing process. What’s the point of raising difficult issues if you’re going to allow those issues to sit? An easy way out would be to say raising the issue on its own might help kickstart the healing process but I don’t think that’s enough. After Ekuba’s post a while ago we said we would start a forum for survivors of sexual violence on this site when we unveiled our new site…we haven’t unveiled the new site yet (because we’re waiting for our new logo and need 3 more tasteful pictures). But I’m also thinking we need a volunteer sex counsellor who can write posts on how to move on from sexual assault. If anyone knows someone who fits this bill please ask them to send me a contribution. Sending you all light and love in the days ahead.
It was difficult to complete reading this post. Unpleasant, but ties in with the reality about some men in our side of the world. But considering the comments generated, it is a wake up call, and for that I applaud the author. That is what adventures from.com should be about. It should incite us to think right, act right and promote right.
@Ekuba – Ghana Police and domestic violence issues? That will be another case for discussion later maybe I will need to fictionalise a case I handled recently as a post for discussion for folks to know how such issues are handled by e Ghana police. It is just so terrible.
But a least, from the reactions to this story, I have hope that even though small, there is hope for change. That is better than nothing.
Thanks for the comments!
At 36, I have never had sex.
My first reaction to the story was wanting to stop reading, when I saw that the girl in question was only 18. You see that’s how young my youngest sister is. But I read on because, after visiting this site a few times I have come to hope for, or expect to garner some sexual wisdom (even guidance or ‘tips’) from the ‘experienced’ contributors and comment makers. So I was actually starting to accept, or swallow the story as something I should expect to experience myself.
At my age, I have kind of made the decision that an 18 year old is still a child. It’s only because I have heard that the legal age of consent is 16, that I decided to continue reading. But strictly speaking, in my book, 18 is still a child. I just didn’t want to be a spoil sport, if some men don’t mind sleeping with 18-year-olds, and have agreed at a national level that it’s not immoral. Who am I to deny them?
So I allowed myself to be aroused as I read on… but there was a hesitation when I read about the ‘persisting to grope her breasts even after she tried to resist’, ‘allowing her to win only while I put the condom on’, arrrgh, let me quote; “I yanked off her panties even as she tried to make me stop and flung them in a corner. I quickly stripped off my shorts and she covered her mouth and gasped at the sight of my dick.” – in short it’s only when she finally said to the man to take it easy that I did ‘accept’ it as consenting. ”So one has to come on THAT strongly” I was saying…
So it’s only thanks to the comments that I really realized what it really was.
P.S. Also the part about the bleeding was a ‘turn-off’, making me wonder if I even want to HAVE sex. I used to hear such stories (of bleeding) from my childhood ‘heroes’ telling stories of taking girls’ virginities.
And yes the tenses could use some help! But the writer sure knows how to tell a story!
…And to think I was just looking for a light-hearted read to fall asleep after!
Just a question; I can see how this could be a societal ‘norm’, but is the kind of behaviour portrayed above really the authentic ‘Afrikan’ man’s way of thinking? I mean the REAL Afrikan. Ekuba says that it’s only Westernized men who don’t think like this. Is that to say Afrikan men are animals? I would have thought that it was the other way around…
This story makes me think of all the pornography that I tolerate on the internet sometimes, while looking for some masturbation visuals. From interracial sex (yes I’m against it), to the proliferation of ‘teenies’, to wondering if the women were not actually being forced to do the things they are shown doing… this post is bringing up my old issues that I never adressed. It makes one wonder how damaging all of it can be to the psyche.
No, it’s not 11:54! Here it’s 1:57 in the morning!
@ Roots: I can’t wait to read your story fictionalized story based on the Ghana police. Let me say that several Ghana policemen are good & take their work seriously & not all of them are ‘evil’. In grad school, I was once brutally sexually assaulted by a group of people (the subject of another blog post) & the police I reported to were very professional & helpful to me & I still remember their kindness & gentle nature to this day.
@ Zeebu: No one has said here that African men are beasts. My father, brother & current boyfriend whom I love very much are not beasts. In my comment I said most people in Ghana/ Africa? think that certain types of sexual encounters are not rape (note that I added a question mark to show I’m not sure if it applies to the whole Africa since the continent is broad). I added that those who do not think this way are either progressive or Westernized. If somehow, you were able to interpret this statement to mean that I said ‘all African men are beasts’ then that is your cup of tea.
@ Ekuba, O.K! I realize; I left out ‘progressive’. I guess I was just startled (and still am) that ‘westernisation’ is the way to go for us to improve ourselves. Like I said, I guess I left out ‘progressive’. I was worried about wether Afrikanness means backwardness.
As for the part about it being an Afrikan disease (with question mark), that wasn’t part of my comment. I too think that it could be a continent-wide (even including the diaspora) problem.
So does anybody think Western men treat their women (and ours) better than Afrikan men by default? I think that sentiment does exist among our people, because I have heard many a sister talking about they want a white man, because they’re tired of the B.S.
This left a bitter taste in my mouth. Especially, the tone. While I don’t particularly care for the story, I think the issue is a very important one. We really need to demystify sex and give our girls better sex education, particularly in Africa.
The harsh reality is that this happens way too much (Granted, even once would be one too many). And it’s not just in the slums or with naive girls. As the girls get more knowledgeable/sophisticated, the method varies, but the deed is the same.
A lot of young girls are brow-beaten into their first times on our university campuses, in churches and offices.
And whilst we are at it, educate the guys too. As the OP points out,, some of them might not realize it (although I find that slightly hard to believe given the fact that I’m sure all of them would be outraged if it was their sister). If it’s wrong for your sister/daughter, it’s wrong for everyone. Even the so-called tease whom you deem to deserve it.
You are right, Nana Darkoa.
@ gu8sie: Thank you, you’re so on point about the if it’s wrong for your sister/ daughter it’s wrong for everyone thing! Amen to that! It pisses me off when I meet some men that have absolutely no respect for boundaries & see women as just ‘meat’ but are incensed when any man even looks at their daughter or sister. I always say, that girl you’re treating anyhow is someone’s daughter/ sister too! But somehow, it doesn’t get into their block heads. Hmmm.
I think it’s important to note that it’s not just men of Ghana/Africa who think and act this way…We all need to better in teaching our sons it’s not cool to act this way or think of women this way when it comes to sex, and to teach our daughters what healthy sexual relationships look like.
this post is very obvious,after reading ther part which the girl asked the guy if he luvs her? it is undisputably clear that majority of Ghanaian and African girls General lyk to exchange sex for love which is very bad
This story reminds me of JC DeGraft’s poem, “Akosua ‘Nowa”. In which a young man vows to shoot his way into Anowa’s treasure because she dared question his manhood. He at some point in the poem calls himself ‘the son of the hunter king” (what kind of hunting did he watch his fathers do?) and boasts that ” there is liquid fire in my gun”. The protagonist in that poem also calls Akosua a guinea fowl, her male friends, he calls red ants upon a tree( and we all know red ants won’t eat the fruit but attack anyone who tries).
This discourse on when does “a well raised” African girl really mean no? And how can she learn to articulately say what she means and mean what she says must start now! Every young African male must learn that the penis is not a gun. It was not designed to kill but rather create life. Every young African male must be taught that manhood is not determined by sexual conquest.
in conclusion, I will say that these problems persist because sex is still treated as a taboo topic in most African homes; and cockroaches breed well in filth and darkness.
FYI: this is my first comment.. Lol..
I have a little sister and she’s 15. She fits the physical description given in the post. I can’t stand the thought of that happening to her no matter how “subtle” the rape is in these terms. I think I’ve been challenged to think of the idea of “consensual” sex in a wider perspective other than “when a lady says NO she means YES”. Surprisingly that’s what my peers suggested to me during our long conversations about sex(only avenue I could get my sex education).
A special thanks to Nneena especially on the “blue balls” comment. I related to that a lot.. Thanks Nana D..
Lets not forget these things (as VIVIDLY written out in the article) happen on a daily basis everywhere (especially with ladies who date older more matured guys)..
Let the education continue…
I’ve also realized that the act o rape has been skewed towards only “forceful sex with a lady” and there’s a general quietness about these more subtle acts…
And what an insightful first comment. Thanks Marvin, and please continue to share your thoughts