Saffon & Lace: Morning (and days) after that night before (Part 2)

To read part 1 of this story please click here


Puckered lips and coitus

“Let’s play a game called he shows, she shows,” John said, I bit down on my lower lip, puckered my lips, blew him a kiss and said “hmm yes lets.” He rose from the bed and unbuttoned his shirt and threw it at me, “your turn” he said. I sat up on the bed and slowly began to unbutton my shirt, when I was at the level of my bra band I flashed one side of my shirt and showed him a trace of grey lace with pink ribbon. He cocked an eyebrow and smiled. “Do you need some help?” he asked.  I dropped my hands to my sides and he walked back to the bed and placed both hands on the shirt and button. He popped a button; he popped another button and then ran his hand under my shirt kneading the flesh below the shirt and above my derrière.

I ran my hands down his back and inhaled deeply his scent along the line of his neck, placing a kiss at the curve of his neck and shoulder. Without warning, he seized my shoulders and pushed me backwards onto the bed. He landed on top of me and quickly unbuttoned my jeans, I placed my hands on his trying to stop him but he was a hand faster and slipped his hand into my jeans but outside my panties, he dragged his fingers along my vaginal lips with enough pressure and pleasurable sensations rocked my body, I pushed against him wanting more and he obliged.

Remembering, I stopped mid thrust against his fingers and panted “you’re cheating, it’s one item of clothing per player.” “Do you want me to stop?” he whispered in my ear while lightly caressing his index finger in horizontal fashion against my clitoris, rubbing the fabric of my panties against my most sensitive part – my head was swimming and I could barely comprehend his question – I closed my eyes and  sucked in air as he gently increased the pressure. “N- yes” I panted and dug my fingers into his arms on both sides “please…” I begged. He chuckled against my ear and asked “please more or please stop?” I gasped for air and my breath caught as the pattern changed to a circular motion and I pressed against his hand. “Stop” I managed to breathe out shakily. He stopped and I opened my eyes feeling bereft, he removed his hand and wrapped it around my neck, pulling me in for a deep kiss. With his other hand he finished unbuttoning my shirt.

When we parted, he slipped my shirt from my shoulders, placed his hands on each side of my head and said “you have beautiful brown eyes and an amazing body that I intend to explore,” I lowered my eyelids and batted them playfully with a smile.

He placed a kiss on my forehead “you remind me of coffee and cinnamon,” he placed a kiss on my cheek and traced the outline of my cheek bone with his tongue until he reached my lips. “Cinnamon? Really?” I asked feigning surprise, “I’m trying to be romantic,” he responded “not working – stretch your imagination” I shot back. He scoffed and traced the outline of my lips with his finger and gave me a quick kiss. He pulled himself off the bed and I could see the outline of his penis stretching against his trousers. “My turn” he said and placed his hands on the zip.

I sprung off the bed nimbly and placed my hand on top of his “here, let me help” I said. He held up his hands and I slid his zipper down, I pushed down the band of his trousers and rolled the pants down the lower half of his body, he stepped out of them. I kissed the inside of his thigh and gently nibbled down to his knee.

 “You remind me of vanilla” I said “only?” he responded mimicking my tone. I laughed and rose onto the tip of my toes, I turned my head up to whisper in his ear “considering that the balls will be in my court, I’d play nice if I were you.” He kissed me and whispered “I like it rough,” “oh you’ll like it,” I responded, laughed and slithered down to my knees and helped him out of his underwear, his penis was stretched, taut, rosy red and large.

I touched his penis gently and let it weigh on my hand, I gave it a quick firm upward stroke and looked up at him, he was peering down at me with an earnest look on his face. Emboldened, I slid my hand along the shaft and kissed the head as I rolled on the condom he handed me. When the sheath was in place, I gave the head of his penis a moistened circular lick, wrapped my mouth around it and gently sucked – he moaned and grabbed my tiny afro with both his hands. I sucked again a little harder while alternately twisting my hands up and down the shaft. I popped him out of my mouth and nipped the side of the penis and proceeded with upward strokes sometimes twisting, he was digging his fingers into my hair a little roughly – my hair would be a mess later.

I held his penis and continuously licked under the head of the penis while stroking him down and lightly rubbing his perineum. “Fuck Towa – I cannot hold out much longer,” he said through gritted teeth. I repeated my actions with firmer strokes and he moaned, pulling my head closer. I continued to alternately suck his head, lick the underside, stroke the shaft and massage the perineum – he shuddered and suddenly removed his hands from my head and yanked me against him. “I should fuck you – now!” he ordered and twisted me around, we fell onto the bed.

He ripped off my panties and jeans and as I was trying to settle myself he pushed my legs apart and dipped his index finger into my vagina, twisting it inside for good measure and rubbing his thumb along my lips and clitoris “mmmh,” I uttered as he withdrew his hand. I was expecting re-entry but instead he dipped low and dragged his tongue torturously slow from the bottom to the top of my vagina, increasing the pleasure on the clitoris – I panted, “John…” it was a supplication he understood and he crawled up my body grazing his skin against mine, maintaining skin to skin contact until we were level – our lips were inches apart “you taste good, wan –““stop talking and insert yourself” I panted.

I kissed him with desperation, his pink lips were moist and welcoming – “strawberries” I said against his lips and kissed him again. When we parted to catch our breaths he asked “what about strawberries?” “your lips remind me of strawberries” I said, he pushed me back and traced his hands up along my thighs, kneaded my buttocks and slid his penis firmly against my clitoris.

“Towa, I intend to tease, torment and fuck you over tonight,” “hmm – I want” I said. He nipped my inner thigh, straddled me and pushed his engorged penis against my vagina and dipped but did not enter. I bucked against him impatient and yearning for his penis, he did it again and I grew agitated “John!” he chuckled and said “don’t move” and slowly inserted his penis, rubbing along my walls and tilting upwards to give my clitoris and inner walls friction. I gasped from the slow torturous pleasure and let him withdraw in the same manner – he moaned struggling to maintain composure and then I wrapped my legs around him and pulled up towards him, taking over the pace – his control slipped and we were slamming against each other; fast, desperate, deep, close.

We lay there spooning – sated.  I slipped my arm over his and ran my hand down his arm trailing it down to his hand. I gently brought my hand to his ring finger and turned the ring, “problem?” he asked and yawned “aside from the fact that you are married – no, no problem, “I responded sarcastically. He leaned over me and trailed quick pecks from my nose to my lips. “Let’s cuddle” he said and then scooped me in closer for borrowed time.

Morning (and days) after that night before

I awoke with a startle. I was weighed down by his body with his right arm over my side, he was holding me close to him with our legs interlocked, it was intimate and comfortable – I listened to his even breathing, feeling his warm breath on my neck. I revelled in the embrace for a few minutes before I gently slipped from the bed, he stirred but did not wake and I pulled on my clothes trying hard and succeeding at not waking him.  I walked out of his room back to my own.

A day later I was in the midst of a meeting of various organisations and local government officials listening to a man from the President’s office ‘lecture’ us on the benefits of ploughing with tractors for subsistence farming in rural areas – parroted western views I thought and stifled a yawn when my phone vibrated in my pocket, I pulled it out and checked the message – “Was that stealth mode? You missed the first rays of sunlight on my bed.” I pressed the delete button and placed my phone back in my pocket.

23 comments On Saffon & Lace: Morning (and days) after that night before (Part 2)

  • It seems mr. pink lips got a thing for you, that transcends the physical. Why did you delete the text? That was such a cold move. Woi.

  • AM — “Mr. Pink lips” has a nice ring to it – I like. Good question on the text message, I’d like to know what you think though. Why would she delete the text message? Should she follow through and see where this leads? Thanks for the feedback.

  • Personally, I think that she made that douche move because, she is trying to keep separate her emotions from merging with the physical. The vibe I’m getting from her is that of the “independent woman, I don’t need a man, with feminist delusions”. What would it hurt for her to follow through?

    What I got from their love session was that it was not a fuck session for him, he made love to her body, mind, and soul. She is just pretending and putting up unnecessary walls to block something that could potentially lead to something. In that respect, yes, she should follow through.
    After all, I’m quite interested in seeing how this relationship works out. I’ve even already put a face to mr. pink lips, and he is quite the cutie pie.

  • @ Nana,

    I am one too (feminist), and I’m not. But I feel she is. Please don’t take it personal. That’s just how I feel as per the storyline.

  • AM — There have been debates in some sectors about the independent woman (in theory and practice) and feminism – in some instances the debates have been quite polarizing but taking your assertion as a premise, maybe Towa needs to find the balance for herself.
    Personally, I have had to assess the concept of the independent woman bearing in mind my experiences and my knowledge – it makes for interesting conversation & debates in the most unlikely places.
    But I would need clarification on what you consider feminist delusions (right Nana?)
    You said “yes, she should follow through” even though he is married? Bearing in mind that his marital status could account for her response because she is all the wiser – or not.
    AM, it is apparent that you are rooting for the cutie pie!

  • @ Saffron,

    I completely missed out the part he was married. Was this mentioned in Part I/II?? Or are you asking me a hypothetical question? I thought he was single. Then of course his marital status changes the nature and course of this relationship. It now somewhat makes sense as to why she reacted so coldly afterwards.

    In regards to the feminist delusions assertion that riled Nana up: She comes across as a very empowered and progressive modern day feminist who thinks that if she allows herself to be vulnerable, and be one with her emotions for him, she will somehow be subjugated in the relationship-which of course is not in line with her feminist beliefs/stands.

    • @AM – I appreciate your explanation re:

      “She comes across as a very empowered and progressive modern day feminist who thinks that if she allows herself to be vulnerable, and be one with her emotions for him, she will somehow be subjugated in the relationship-which of course is not in line with her feminist beliefs/stands.”

      …surely its not deluded to be concerned about being subjugated in a relationship is it? I think that’s very much (one of) the central dilemmas for today’s feminist, especially an African feminist. Especially for those of us who live our feminists wholly – so we are as feminist in our homes as we are in our offices 🙂 Its a real challenge isn’t it, especially when the rest of our societies normalise hierarchical (heterosexual) relations. What’s your experience?

  • @ Saffron,

    Ive just re-read the story again, please disregard my questions about whether you were hypothesizing or not. I so totally missed the part where she was playing with his ring finger. This is so heart crushing. I was rooting for these two. So, I guess it is the end of the road, ethically at least, as far as they are concerned. Please assure me this is not the end of the story.

    @ Nana

    “…surely its not deluded to be concerned about being subjugated in a relationship is it?”

    In reality, no.

    In this story, yes. Now, bear in mind when I made that statement, I wasn’t aware of the complexities of this “relationship” owing to mr. pink lip’s marital status. All along I thought he was single. They’ve been having the hots for each other for some time now. An opportunity has arisen and she is now stalling. Why can’t she just let things happen organically without feminism as her reference point? Sometimes it’s best to let be and let go. Auntie, I just want these two together!

    Coming back to our reality not only as African feminists, but women, yes, subjugation is especially challenging as it relates to not only relationships (sexual), but also other key areas of our lives (socio-economic &political). It is definitely not delusional to be concerned, if anything it is the currently reality that we are faced with on a daily basis, and has been our past.

    The power construct(s), specifically in Africa is/are real and has/have in the past undermined our positions as women in the boardrooms, even in our own bedrooms. You are right that it is even tougher for those that are wholly feminists, as you put it, because, well it is not a state of mind that can be robed and disrobed at a moment’s notice or whenever one chooses. It is not a lifestyle that can be adopted and/or dropped/ repackaged whenever you please. It is a constant state of being with real consequences and impact-that to be honest, have been a positive to our culture.

    Lord Jehovah, I never knew this story was going to take such a serious turn oo. SAFRON, good job. First time, I’ve seen Nana R.I.LE.D. I L.OV.E. it.

  • @ Nana Darkoa: about the concern with subjugation: but in our society, if you want to be married & for your marriage to last long, shouldn’t you be subjugated somewhat to your husband? Out of my classmates, the ones who got married quickly (‘found husbands’) were the ones that believed in being subject (in varying degrees) to their men. & the wives in marriages I’ve witnessed around me that have lasted also appear to be those that believe in being subjugated. Even for the people I know who are sworn feminists & are married, they behave that way towards their husbands. So sometimes, I feel as if what they say is all talk- just designed to make them look pretty on paper.

  • AM — in theory and on paper, it is easy to see things in black and white and suggest, dictate or defer accordingly but life (and with it reality) is full of grey areas in in sex, love, marriage, work, politics etc. which demand that we make choices and decisions that may change factors in our lives instantly or over time and may demand that we buck convention – life is not always clear cut. Towa and John’s story has that element. Some people may attest to the difficulty inherent in going against society, societal expectations, indoctrination or ‘the things we have been taught in our formative years’ breaking free of that and living life on their personal terms.

    AM, Nana D & Ekuba — On subjugation in relationships and other areas of life & feminism — there is a difficult reality for many women in various parts of Africa (based on my observations) especially in the area of relationships, marriage and work. In discussions with women of various ages in my country (Zambia): my peers (mid to late 20’s), women from my mother’s age group (women in their late 50’s, early 60’s), women in their late 30’s and early 40’s and women in their early 20’s — it was apparent that in order for them to have a marriage that worked (i.e. a marriage according to our society’s standards) they had to compromise on their principles, beliefs and standards to ‘fit in’ and function. Some of the most independent and feminist women I know have to (and continue to) scale back when in their homes and with their husbands. I have an aunt who has ‘alpha lion’ traits (I exaggerate for emphasis) and is feminist and has been as far back as I can recall. Circa 2000 (in her mid 30’s), she met a man and partnered with him and within the domestic setting she has had to compromise – anything else has resulted in her being beaten into submission (literally). Obviously there is a background to her story but I am highlighting the aspect relevant to this discussion.

    In my neck of the woods, there is a risk that women may lose it all, lose most of it or never have it if they take the path of non-conformity and refuse the constructs created by our patriarchal society. My secondary school and university mates who used to talk the feminist talk are different women in their homes than they are when we spend ‘ladies time’ together. The same thing happens in the office and other areas of work and politics. I have personally experienced sexismin my work settings throughout my professional career. Some women seem able to ‘game the system’ or use ‘soft power’ and it works for them.

    My mother espoused feminist principles and she passed these on to me through deeds as much as words. She did not read Wangari Maathai, Harriet Tubman, Sojourner Truth, Audre Lorde or Bell Hooks and may not have known the details of their lives or their cause but she espoused the same or similar principles and wisdom based on her personality and her lived experiences. She often went against tradition or culture e.g. unequivocally telling my dominant patrilineal aunts to ‘back off’ when they exceeded boundaries or tried to enforce negative cultural ( and patriarchal) customs – this during a time when women were supposed to respect & submit to their in-laws and treat them like demi-gods or standing up to my father on various issues – it meant she was unpopular and there were difficult times for her but she stood her ground.

    As a woman in the work force and in love (and even with the decision to wear my hair natural) I have experienced challenges deriving from males and females who have expressed disapproval or dissent and upon (my) exploring the reasons behind these attitudes, I found that it often came down to societal contsructs borne of patriarchy and human tendancies (I read an article by Malaka on Mind of Malaka where she described her experiences working with women in the business of house keeping and how she left the enterprise – I can relate!)

    As AM pointed out one cannot robe and disrobe feminism (if one chooses to embrace it fully or wholly) and yet so many women in our societies are compelled to choose how to relate to males (including their own sons and nephews) within society and depending on the outcome they desire.

    A few years ago I read an article on a Nigerian feminist woman who stated “men do not want a revolution in their kitchen” when asked to describe relations between women and men in Africa within and given the context of her life. She used the statement to illustrate her challenges as an educated and self confident woman. Apparently Wangari Maathai’s ex-husband divorced her because “she was too educated, too strong, too successful, too stubborn and too hard to control” (please note that have no source for this statement apart from the website I pulled it from). When an African woman is educated, confident and successful she is considered robust, obstinate and unmanageable (a threat to the system) – negative attributes to be shunned whereas the same attributes in a man make him a person to be admired and emulated!

    AM — “I feel you” sometimes I want people (mostly on TV and in books – sometimes in real life too) to just do it already and consequences be damned!

  • @ Saffron: thank you. That’s a very insightful analysis of feminism among African women & how it plays out in marriage.

    For my part, I desire very strongly to have a lasting marriage & kids. & I want to have this as soon as I’m done with school & go back home to settle in. For these reasons, I have accepted that there are certain compromises I have to make on my feminist beliefs. It may not be the ideal situation but that is my reality & I’ve embraced it. I just wish more people would be honest about this because as you rightly analyzed a substantial portion of feminists that have sustained marriages in Africa have had to compromise somewhat on their values & I wish they’d talk about this more so that they’d give younger women like me a realistic view of the world out there.

  • Ekuba — You’re welcome. Women in Africa do need to communicate more and honestly with each other and amongst themselves as well as to the younger females discussing issues such as feminism, sexuality, class and socio-economics etc . ‘Adventures from’ is a great conversation and reference point (thanks Nana!).

    If the women and girls around you are not talking about their experiences and feminism you can take the initiative – approach them and start the conversation. I’ve tried this on a number of occasions with varied outcomes; sometimes it has led to amazing conversations whereas other times I was stopped cold or expressly rebuffed – I live to converse another day.

    Good on you for making a decision (re: the marriage and children), developing a plan and determining what you have to do to attain your goal. I am glad that women like me and you have, to a large extent, choices with regard to marriage and children – it doesn’t make the journey (with or without) any less difficult but at least you have a choice to begin with, not every woman and girl on the continent has this choice. Personally, I am ‘no husband and no children’ and I have lived my life in a way that enhances this footloose and fancyfree lifestyle – it doesn’t mean it’s easy – not always anyway, yes I’ve questioned my decision (once or twice) and maybe [big maybe leaning towards not likely :-)] I may change my mind.

  • @AM – “Why can’t she just let things happen organically without feminism as her reference point?” For the very reason you mentioned 🙂 Feminism is not a robe that your don and shed whenever you want…at least not in my opinion. Ha! But did Saffron say anywhere that her protagonist was a feminist? Besides being a feminist doesn’t stop anyone from going with the flow or even doing something that you know deep down (or not that deep down) is not the best ethical choice. It doesn’t stop me for sure. I love the angle this conversation has taken though…Hahahaha, I wasn’t riled at all…just a tad like ‘WTF is AM going on about?’. Its all love though.

    @Ekuba – Sure, if you want your marriage to last no matter the consequences to your personhood, life and beliefs then you should allow yourself to be ‘subjugated’. There are plenty of dead women who died as Mrs cos of this very subjugation. I for one do not want to be one of them.And I am not referring to only those who died from domestic violence but those women for whom the light went out of their eyes, who suffer quietly from depression, who resent their daughters because they are living the lives they never got the chance to live, who push their children to greater heights even when the children do not want to be pushed because they themselves never achieved their own goals. I would rather be happy and single than subjugated and married.

    @Saffron – Great commentary. Thanks so much for sharing so generously and also sharing the story of your Aunt. I agree that reality is full of grey areas, and not as clear cut as we would wish. I will encourage you all to do as Saffron suggests and find a community of like minded women to have these open and frank conversations with. Yes Adventures helps, but sometimes we need community in our physical spaces. I am lucky enough to have a community of African feminist sisters here in Accra, in online spaces, and in the Diaspora. It helps to know you’re not the only one. And if all else fails and I get lonely in my old age cos no one wants to be with an ‘unsubjugated’ African feminist I will set up a commune for African feminists where we shall live ‘happily ever after’ 😛

    Peace sisters

  • @ Saffron: That’s a very bold decision to make ie: no husband or children. Few women are able to make it & stick to their guns. What caused you to make that decision & what has also been making you question your mind?

    @ Nana Darkoa: I won because I got you to type ‘cos’ when I know you hate text message speak 🙂 That being said what you said is true. I think that there’s a certain level of happiness & freedom a woman has to sacrifice to stay married in our society. But I guess for people like me that really want to get married, we’re willing to make the choice regardless? I’ll not be happy as a single person because I’ve always dreamt of a future with a husband & kids. In fact, if I had been lucky enough to meet a man I could settle down with, I’d have been married like 5 years ago. That being said, I think all of us draw the line somewhere as to the extent to which we’re willing to be subjugated. In other words, all subjugation is not equal. To one, it may mean changing her surname to her husband’s while to another it may mean keeping quite when her husband decides to take another wife. I know that I can’t take physical or verbal abuse so that’s off. & I can’t take serial infidelity either because I’m afraid of HIV. But I think I’m willing to sacrifice my career ambitions if it comes to that. & if the man I settle down with has mood swings or withdraws emotionally sometimes, I think I can handle it. & maybe I can countenance a one-time affair if he seems repentant enough? & my mum had issues from her inlaws so if my husband’s inlaws are troublesome, I think I’ll just deal with it. Those are the things I’d be willing to put up with if they ever occur. It sounds horrible but that’s the truth.

  • @ Saffron: typo alert!!! I meant to type what has also been making you question your ‘choice/ decision’ of no husband, no kids?

  • @ Nana,

    No, Saffron never mentioned or alluded anywhere in the story of the protagonist being a feminist, that is why I keep using the word “feeling and seeming”. “She comes across….” doesn’t mean she is. That was just my personal interpration of the story. It could certainly be looked at from different angles. She probably is a regular azz woman, who knows? It was just my personal opinion.

    @ Saffron
    It is VERY true, that the late Prof. Maathai was divorced on those grounds. She was too much a strong woman for her husband to handle as per the dictates of our African culture.

  • @Ekuba – Hehehe, yes o, I hate sms speak. Somehow ‘cos doesn’t piss me off. Its more the TTYL and TKS that drives me up the wall. Hun I don’t have an issue with the choices you’ve made (or say you’re going to make). How could I? You’ve thought them through, and that’s what’s important. Plus something tells me that there is a lot of ish you won’t take…

    @AM – Noted niece 😛

  • Nana D — you’re welcome. No doubt that commune will be a lot of fun!

    Ekuba — As to why I made the decision – long story (perhaps it should be the subject of a post) the short answer is that I made my decision based on my experiences and observations as I was growing up witnessing the gender and power dynamics in my parents marriage, the marriages of my relatives (grand parents, aunts and uncles) and the marriages of my friends’ parents and my own relationships. I had questions that were answered with statements such as “that is how it is”, “leave it to God”, “God works in mysterious ways” etc ad nauseum or lengthy explanations about the order of things in society and how it centres around men. At about the age of 10 or 11 I had a conversation with my mom where I told her I was not marrying until certain conditions were met. Upon entering higher education, I began to explore various narratives in response to my questions and in my early twenties I decided that I disliked the construct of marriage within my society (and believed women had way too little bargaining power) and unless there were fundamental changes I was not going to marry on my society’s terms. A few years later (and based on my experiences and my observations of the marriages of my female and male secondary school and university mates and women of various age groups) and having had honest discussions with some of them about their reality, I acknowledged that I as long as I remain the person I am, with the views that I hold (and live by) on gender equality, empowerment of women and the gendering of all aspects of life – marriage does not suit me – I would be doing a disservice to whoever would elect to be my partner and who believes in marriage within the traditional and legalistic sense of the term. I was also raised within a setting that to a large extent encouraged and allowed my independence as a woman in various aspects of my life.

    As for children; having younger siblings and because I began to contribute to my family’s income in my early twenties, from a young age I’ve always comprehended, on so many levels, the magnitude of responsibility that is a child. My character and my career are ill-suited to the version of motherhood that I believe makes for successful child rearing.

    Querying my decision — A close friend and I were discussing marriage, she’s in a relationship and she wants to marry and have children. During our conversation, we debated the merits and demerits of marriage and children. She also updated me on our mutual mates who’ve married and given birth over the last six years. It was while discussing my position on marriage, a husband and children that I wondered if I had made the right decision, whether I would have regrets and whether I could change my mind. I am content to exist as I currently do. As detective Rick Hunter (TV cop series from the 80’s) used to say “works for me”

    AM — and there we have it…

  • Oh my god, @ Nana Darkoa & Saffron, I just had to come back & write this! I take back every thing I said about wanting to get & stay married @ all costs. So I had a chat with my sister that was a turning point moment for me. She was randomly telling me about her friends who were married & the conversations they were having & it just struck me that although everyone back home pretends that marriage is the ultimate destination, it isn’t & lots of people are caught up in some kind of charade. One story that broke my heart was one of her friends (whom I thought has a storybook marriage & who always asks me when I’m getting married) had a miscarriage but her husband didn’t want her to tell anyone (because he felt that it’s make them look less than perfect) & how he flew into a rage when this friend told my sister about it & he found out! Bottom line is that I realized that society pressures us women especially to get married, have plenty of kids, etc at all costs without acknowledging that as much as these things are a blessing, they’re also highly challenging. So I’ve revised my notes from now, I’m not going to try & get married at all costs, I’m just going to live my life in a way that makes me happy & gives me peace & if eventually, that comes to include marriage- fine, but I’m not going to push for it. When I decided that, it took a whole load off my shoulders because suddenly, I didn’t feel pressured to make things work with my boyfriend at all costs. So I wanted to say thank you to both of you for having this conversation with me as it helped me to figure out things. Love to you all

    • @Ekuba – Awwww, I love you hun (even though we’ve never met), and trust me I knew you would come to this decision in your time. From your posts and comments its obvious that you are a person who reflects and is thoughtful. I felt that sooner or later you would come across some irrefutable evidence about marriage that would make you think, ‘Ah, maybe I shouldn’t be all about marriage at all cost’. Thank you so much for coming back to update Saffon and I on your latest thought processes re marriage. *Hugs*

  • Ekuba — to echo Nana, thank you for updating us on your experience and how that has given you a different point of view. While I believe that all women should have the freedom to determine what’s best for them – e.g. ‘to marry or not’, I do prefer that each woman makes her choice based on an informed decision just like you have in this case.

    I am pleased that you came to this conclusion because you had the opportunity to discuss issues with others, read other people’s opinions and thoughts, you asked questions and initiated conversations that provided you with more information. The bottom line is that your decision on marriage should ultimately make YOU happy 🙂 – even if that may mean bucking convention.

    Thanks for sharing and much love to you.

  • @ Saffron & Nana D: I don’t know how I missed your comments on this! Thanks a lot for the support. Both of you remind me of my 2 older sisters whom I love so much & who always offer me advice about life. Much love to both of you.

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