Written by Chipo Kay
Firstly I would like to express my gratitude for you making it this far. Many tried and failed. As you had already said, it is not easy to finally get inside my house, metaphorically and practically. I am very careful when it comes to filtering access to my haven. A place where I facilitate pleasure. I have to make sure everyone in there not just deserves it, but earns it. There is no right to entitlement when it comes to my body; you earn it. When most failed the attitude test, you cruised past it. The manners and decorum were all in place. You knew what to say at the right time, all the time. An impressive trait if I must say.
I applaud you because you made sure you wouldn’t attempt anything without consent. From the first kiss. Nothing is more sexy than fully consented sexual intercourse. It tells you, you are in a safe space, full of respect. There is an understanding of sexiness and maturity there. I knew I did not have to worry about my safety there.
However, it is time we move the elephant out of the room and take it back to the woodlands.
You did try to please me. I appreciate the effort and the will. However, it was silly to think sexually, a man can actually match his words. See, you knew how to make promises. When you explained a bed of roses to me, it was more than just what was sung by Bon Jovi. The bed of roses I wanted to lay in had multiple explosive pleasures. Yours, was actually a bed of rose bushes. Untamed, thorny and rose-scented.
You did everything that was well in your eyes. I cannot take that away from you. You believed making pompous promises is what will arouse all the lustful desire you wanted from me. It did. However, it is what sold you out. Mystery makes everything beautiful. The less pompous you are, the lower the expectations you raise on your partner. There was so much talk of how you wanted to make me moan my voice dry. You made every promise anyone can make, to fill up all my pleasure desires. I assumed you were the master of pleasure.
“I have arrived,” I thought to myself when I checked you out just before the first kiss.
The kiss was horrible. A little too slurry and way lighter than a feather’s touch. I kept leaning forward seeking for your lips, hoping you would read the signs and touch me firmly with your lips. Instead, you read that the wrong way and assumed I was already asking for your dick, which makes me worry about your communication in general.
At first I thought perhaps it’s the jitters. Second kiss? Maybe some nerves and a half. The third time is when I realised we are not coming back from that. To be honest, I did not feel your lips. It is like they were not there. There’s a peck, there’s a brush with the lips. I do not know what it is you did.
I write this letter not because I want to blame you. It is not my wish to make you feel bad for how things did not happen as I had expected. Although we may not have another chance, due to the awkwardness of the matter, I would like to help with where you are going and whom you will meet. To help make things better for you.
Firstly, you need to understand that sex and porn are two polar opposite experiences. Nothing about pornography is real and you cannot expect a natural person like me, and even yourself, to pull off those moves, endurance and styles. When someone is trying an unnatural pose in bed, it shows and it feels excruciating. It even takes away all the fun. I will also recommend asking for permission. Nothing is as sexy as consent. Check if they are okay with some of the little extremes and kinks you are into. Like spanking, spitting or even dirty talk. Not everyone likes being spanked, no matter how playful it may be to you.
Do not rush it. We are already going to do it. Take you time, soak your eyes into my body. Your gaze is what reaches out to my soul. Let your imagination run wild. Where your eyes cannot see, reach out with your hands. Touch me like this is the first body you have ever seen. An exquisite art piece, well decorated with curves, cellulite and the bumps you can find along the skin. You see, it is easy to be aroused by touch. Knowing someone is admiring me and their eyes are invoking an insatiable thirst within them, pumps out all the juices that can madly quench your thirst. Squeeze, caress and run your fingers in all the appropriate places until I start begging for it.
Honestly, sex without intimacy is just two adults doing nothing while naked. Intimacy is that key to the connection between humans and pleasure. While some pursue sex as a currency or for sport, I prefer pleasure. Because if I am not enjoying it then why should I be there? One sure way of enjoying sex is that physical connection. Not everyone can afford that. The only way to unlock that connection is through communication.
Where words are not enough to explain, or fill the gaps, the body does it better. I cannot stress enough how important it is to listen to your partner’s body the same way you listen to their words. The body will tell you everything you need to know and learn.
When your communication is on point, you will be able to see it when and if she is faking it. When you know she is faking it, you will know what to do to make things better. Communication expands to enhancing pleasure as well. When you actively listen and pay attention to your partner, she will feel safe and able to focus on the pleasure as well, without worrying about bruising and hurting.
Listen to their body, and learn from it. All women are not the same, and they respond differently to the same thing. What your previous person liked, may be what irks your next partner. Pay attention to when and where you touch her. Their response will either be to stay still, draw closer to you or pull away. If they pull away, stop, and try something else. Or even ask what they would prefer. Not all fingering techniques guarantee orgasms. Some are technically a turn-off.
You may have been told that a girl is supposed to make sounds. Which is true, but which sounds are they? In cases where a safe word is not set, what are the sounds? Pay attention to their reactions, especially sound. Not all moaning means you are facilitating pleasure. When their moaning sounds a little sharp, chances are you are hurting them. You may want to tone down your rhythm, or even switch positions. It is completely okay to check in as well. Ask if they’re still fine.
Nothing is ever okay when someone is groaning. You are probably not doing enough, and might want to raise the levels a bit. Or, you are not doing anything at all, and the groans are deep expressions of frustration.
If you heard your name, or think you did, you are probably doing it right, or she is faking it.
Do not be sloppy with your tongue. Do not be too dry either. Keep it moderate; saliva tends to be less freaky in the way you want. While we are at the mention of saliva, if you find yourself having to lube with saliva, I am literally buzzing at you right now. Because that actually means you are trying to reach into an unripe pot. You may as well get off of me, walk out the door and walk away. You do not get second chances from that.
Now that I have vented it all out, shall we start again? If what I say is of any importance, I know you will find this helpful and the next review will be better.
Yours truly, with pleasure.
