I’m a born again virgin. Well that’s how my friend E described me a few weeks ago ‘cos I seem to be going through the longest sexual drought that I have ever experienced. Now I’m very aware that my definition of a sexual drought may not be your definition of what constitutes a drought, but in my world it’s the Sahara. The last time I had ‘full on’ sex was in March this year, but since then its only been a few instances of oral sex with an ex and one of my special friends (in separate encounters I may add). Even my toys no longer seem as exciting…
So what’s accounted for this sexual drought?
Clearly …

This is a message I received recently from Ms E:
“…Nana…I have a problem and i really need your help. I have been going out with my boyfriend for the past three years and we haven’t had “penetrative” sex all this while. Before we started this relationship i told him that i was a virgin but the truth is that three years before i met him i had sex with another boy and just last year i had another with a different boy. He still thinks am a virgin and he keeps worrying me that he wants to do it. I also want him to have me but i am scared he will leave when he …

I am a sexually experienced woman who has had her fair share of sexual partners. I’m lucky to be able to say that most of it has been great sex. But it hasn’t always been that way. In fact, for most of my teenage and young adult years, I fought, losing the battle on almost every front, against this common sexual demon: the idea that virginity is a nuisance and not something to cherish.
I grew up pretty ‘pure’ and by the time I went to university, I had never been kissed. I saw the idea of my virginity as something to be proud of; I viewed sex as something to be shared between two people …

I am a virgin, always have been, and will hopefully (cross my fingers and pray fervently!) not always remain so. When I was growing up, the sole purpose of my virginity was my religion – good Christian girls don’t have sex if they aren’t married was drummed into my head in church, school and home. Abstinence was the be all, end all of Christianity, and the very mark of a good girl. And being a good girl, and wanting Jesus to be proud of me (I have always been somewhat of a pleaser, you see) I have remained completely abstinent. In addition to all that, I could also self-righteously look down my nose at others …

The recent conversations on visits to the Ob/Gyn have somehow led to the subject of virginity and associated issues such as, who is a virgin? Someone who has never had sex? Someone whose hymen is intact (that somehow implies the “someone” is female)? In this day and age we also have “born again virgins”.
Somehow when I think of virginity I think of women. The impression I got growing up was that you needed to stay a virgin for as long as possible, preferably until you got married. For a woman to be a virgin was/is a good thing but for guys it’s a very bad thing. I don’t know any woman who will want to …